Lesson Learned

2010-10-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

So let me share a story with you of stupidity, and perhaps even bad luck. I wake up this morning already hating the day. Waking up at 7 am has now become rather unpleasant, its dark outside indicating summer is now over, and furthermore that you should still be sleeping. As if getting up before the sun does is not awful enough it also my worst day of classes. I have Fundraising Principles and Practices which is a complete bore, and I have Law and the Media, which makes me feel like Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. So already the day is off to a bad start, because it is a day I don't want to start.

Then comes the time to actually start it, okay its time to leave the house. So here I am in the hallway looking for my red flats. I knew I packed them away for the weekend in that white garbage bag, but I am struggling to find the bag. Then I remember I couldn't find it yesterday and thought that maybe I put it in my room, rush to my room check. Nothing. Then I think maybe someone threw it in the closet. Nothing. Panic strikes as I realize someone probably threw it down the garbage shoot. Of course, that would happen and it did.

So here I am dumbfounded that I was so stupid as to not unpack my shoes. Now I have to wear boots that hardly match what I am wearing and change my belt so that I do not look completely ridiculous with these shoes. I go to class, and my dad convinces me to ditch it in attempt to dig my shoes out of the garbage. If he says so, I should just do it. I come home ask the lady in her office, if there is any hope of retrieval. Of course with my luck there isn't as everything gets compacted every day. So here I am short three pairs of shoes.

Of course my dad tells me here you go you learned your lesson. As if I am not old enough to realize that there is a lesson in this story, an expensive $200 lesson! Now what I am wondering though is when do we stop learning these lessons, because I thought it would have happened by now.

the fresh start

2010-10-04T18:03:00.000-07:00

There is something strange about this life, correction there are many strange things about this life. But perhaps one of the strangest things is we think we are able to always start fresh, with a clean slate. There comes times in your life where you convince yourself that this, this very moment, is your chance to start over. Typically this day is New Years, but some people like to use lent, highschool graduation, their wedding day, etc. The point is we convince ourselves that there are these marvelous milestones in our life where we not only get to redefine ourselves, but somehow also earase everyone's memory of who we were before, or at least the bad parts.

I had gone into University thinking that would be my chance. Everyone at school would know nothing about me, except what I, and of course my facebook chose to reveal. Everyone from highschool, or back home would be so pre-occupied in their own lives that it would only be a matter of time until they forgot those times I had puked all over myself, or cried over a boy, etc. Coming to University I thought I could be whoever I wanted. And while you may be other to fool others forever, you can only fool yourself for so long. Eventually you start becoming who you are again, and what everyone seems to fail to tell you is that you can never be perfect. But still you constantly try and readjust yourself, and just when you think you have it all figured out you fuck up. And without fail everytime the new fuck up, feels much bigger than the last.

Each time I start a new semester at University I think this is my chance to prove to myself that I am a good hardworking individual with high moral standards and amazing priorities. I going into the semester with a pre-conceived notion of who I am and who I will be coming out of it. Being a third year University I thought this year I'd have it. I thought I should be used to it by now. Why doesn't anyone every tell you that you never get used to it. Here I am five weeks into this semester, and I feel like shit.

Already I am behind on readings. Already I have made drunken mistakes. Already have I yet again aligned myself with horrible people. Already I am not this person I had planned to be. So here I am writing, to whoever may feel the same about the fresh starts and second chances we give ourselves in life, and how without fail we always seem to screw up and start off exactly where we started rock bottom.